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jimbo_red13
January 23rd, 2008, 11:27 AM
This is the beginning of the second story in my Darkskies series, if you haven't read the first one thats fine, all of the characters will be reintroduced and you will still be able to follow the story line.

Im very open to comments and critisim, so please feel free to comment away.

Friend or Foe

A loud rumble shook the deck as another large bolder sized peice of ice struck the ship's hull. Although distrubing and a little unsetteling, it was a common occurance aboard the Shanataruis. The ship was in no real danger for it was built to withstand such impacts, one of the few ships the can survive the dangerous frozen waters off the coast of Northend. As the bolder of ice sides past, ginding along the side of the ship, the crew simply brace themselve and wait for it to pass, most of the ships crew are veterans to the sea and go about their normal duties, but usualy the new recruits can be seen sliping and falling down due to the icey deck and sudden impacts.

The upper deck is usualy quite loud and very lively, the sound of heavy chains dangling from loading cranes, shouting crew members as they working, the ships powerfull engines roaring as they drive the massive ship forward and the rumble of huge chunks of ice smashing into the ships hull, makes for quite a defining experence. Inside the ship though is a diffrent experence alltogether, the ship's thick hull aslo drains out alot of the sound from outside and while inside, its actually quite peacefull, the most you can hear is faint echos from the work outside and the humming of the engines. Down in the holding bay where the cargo and supplies are stored its alsmot completly silent, in the front end of the ship to help even out the weight of the enginges and fuel bays, its one of the farthest points away from the engings and all of the crates help absorb any other sound which makes it way down there, making it almostly completly dead silent.

Its usualy uncommon to see anyone in the cargo rooms unless they are there to get supplys or do a check up on the cargo, but in the back, alone in the dark is a young forxabbit cover in a ragged cloak. Sitting on a large crate staring out at the various peices of equiptment stored away in the room he is in his own little world, wondering about in a sea of his own thoughts.

Disturbed by the sound of someone comming down and opening the old metal door to the cargo bay, the young foxrabbit is quickly sent back into reality. Looking in the direction of the door he is able to make out the figure of someone approaching him. The person contiune to come closer untill he is within a arms distance away from the forxrabbit and sit down next him. Since the foxrabbit had been in the dark for awhile his eye have already adjusted to the dark and is able to make out the apperance of his new company. A long haired fox wearing the robes and insigmas of that of a holy man, or chaplain, stared at the forxrabbit as if he was trying to read his mind.

"There is no need to try" the forxrabbit said, "your not gona see anything"

The chaplain then backed away his deeping gaze and breathed in heavly. "This trip might prove to be quite difficult, I think... something is..." The chaplain pauses to think of a way to explain his thoughts.

"Like there is something there waiting for us..." the foxrabbit wispers.

The chaplain looks at the foxrabbit, "I can't say... but I do feel some sort of presence"

"Don't worry I can feel it as well, although i'm not use if any of the crew have noticed it... are you planning on telling them?" the foxrabbit questioned

"Actually I have already informed them that I am getting some unusual feelings comming from the land, but I am not sure if that really changes anything..."

"So I have to ask, what was it that you really wanted to talk about" the forxrabbit bluted out, "or now that you have approached me are you scared to find out?"

After a small pause the chaplain stood up and looked the foxrabbit in the eyes, "Why are you here... or why have you come with us?"

The foxrabbit chuckles to himself and then starts to relax, "wel... lets say... I have a promise to keep." The foxrabbit moves the side of his cloak to reveal the hilt of a sword at his side, "I have some unfinished business to take care of before returning home"

The chaplain sits back down and sighs, "so your gona pull everyone into your own personal agenda..."

"Actually no, once we hit land ill stay with the crew untill our paths seperate and then ill do the rest on my own..." the foxrabbit explains "I have no intentions of dragging everyone into this"

The chaplain now satisfied stands up and heads for the door, but stops and turns around. "As long as your intentions do not cause harm to these people, then I believe we can get along, but otherwise if you prove to be a problem, then I wont hesiate to carry out my job..."

"Heh is that so?" the foxrabbit stands up and faces the chaplain, "so you see me as a possible threat...?"

"You are not here for the same reasons as everyone els, you have no connection with these people, and though you told everyone your here to help, you really have no intent on helping at all. You are here because you have your own personal goals and you could care less what happens to these people... yes your right I do see you as a possible threat."

The foxrabbit stares at the chaplain and then laughs "So im guessing the "something" you told the crew about was myself?"

"yes they are all aware that you are here and the possible threat you carry, they will all have their eyes on you" the chaplain said confidently

"Heh, this is so ironic... don't you think? A chaplain on the light, or "seers" as some people call you, can't even see past the problems in front of him" the foxrabbit snickers to himself

"And what is that suspossed to mean?" the chaplain states a little uneasy

"I'm just saying that im not even a seer and yet I can tell you that i'm gona be the least of your worries on this trip"

The chaplain then stares at the foxrabbit again trying to read into his thoughts.

"I told you before that your not gona see anything, if you need proof that what im saying is true, then why don't I show you something that your eyes can see..."

Day
January 24th, 2008, 02:01 PM
Needs running through a spellchecker, and the punctuation needs cleaning up. It seems decent, but there's a lack of description, flesh it out a little more.

jimbo_red13
January 25th, 2008, 03:57 AM
Alright this next part I put it in word and spellchecked it, so it should be better. Also in each chapter there will be little sub chapters, like the post before this was a subchapter and this is another one. It helps make it easier to understand since I tend to jump around from diffrent POV a bit.


A Simple Photograph

As the sun rose up over the horizon, light poured out over the long stretches of golden fields and into the windows of a small country home. Filling the rooms with the morning light the interior of the home comes to life. Especially into a particular bedroom where a mound of covers lay wrapped around in a tight ball on top of a small bed. As the room continued to fill with light, the sleeper inside the cocoon of covers begins to stir and wiggle about, as if the light wasn’t enough to disturb the sleep of the one under the covers, the door to the room suddenly slammed open with a crash loud enough to shake the whole room. Reeling from the noise, two light blue pointy ears pop out from under the covers, as the sleeper groans trying to stay asleep. Standing in the doorway was a very tall and slender wolf girl who already was wide awake and dressed.

"Good morning!" the wolf girl shouts, waiting for a reaction.

The covers continue to move about until a eye can now bee seen peeking out from underneath them, "Sara I’ve told you before I’m not a morning person... please do not slam the door and shout like that..." mumbled the voice of a young girl from under the covers.

Completely ignoring the girl under the covers, Sara approaches the bed and shouts again, "Time to get up and get some breakfast!" She then grabs a hold of the blankets and yanks them all straight off the bed, revealing a young light blue cat girl in flannel pajamas curled up in a ball.

"Why must you do this every morning...?" mumbles the blue cat while turning over face first into her pillow.

"Momo, that’s no way to sleep!, you will suffocate!" Sara then grabs Momo back the back of her pajamas with one arm and lifts her up into the air with some unseen strength, "You should hurry up and get dressed and come downstairs, I’ve made breakfast already, you don't want it to get cold now?" Sara then drops Momo back onto her bed. "Ill be waiting downstairs!" she shouts while leaving the room and heading downstairs.

"Ugh... I guess I’m lucky she leaves just as fast as she comes..." Momo then looks around the room letting her eyes fully adjust to the light. Glancing over at a large mirror on her wall, she sees that her hair is a complete tangled mess, "this is gona take forever..." she thinks to herself "I can already tell... this is gona be one long day..." she then falls back into her bed.

A hour later Momo walks down the steps and into the kitchen. As she turns the corner she can smell the freshly cut vegetables and cooked ham that Sara has prepared. Taking a seat at the kitchen table, Momo notices Sara still over by the stove, just finishing up preparing her a plate. Sara then turns around and then places the plate in front of her and then sits in a chair across the table.

"I knew you would take awhile, so I waited a bit before cooking it..." Sara said while looking at her, "you wouldn’t happen to have any plans for today? Would you?"

"Not really, I was just gona go do a few things around the house, why do you have something planned?" Momo said while digging into the flood on her plate.

"Well... today I got a letter from Semper "Sara said while trying to keep in her excitement.

"Oh really? What is it about" Momo says with a mouth full of food.

"Well he said that he passed by his guild headquarters in Ir'lanel and was reporting in about his job being finish, bla bla bla... and that" Sara leans in closer to Momo, "he said that he will be coming back home to stay for awhile!"

"Oh really? That’s good news; I haven't seen him for quite awhile." Momo mutters before taking another bite.

Sara nodded, "yeah it will be really nice to see him again" she said quite happily.

Momo glances up from her plate and notices that Sara was already off daydreaming with a big grin on her face. "oh and Sara... before you get all carried away, be sure to remember that there is a place and time for everything..." she said while snickering.

Snapping back to reality Sara glares at Momo, "and what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you don't always know how to control yourself when he is around... to put it simply" Momo explains.

"I do not!" Sara says a little embarrassed, "Anyways he said that he will probably arrive in town a little bit after the letter does"

Momo scrapes the last bit of food off her plate and finishes it, "Oh, hmm he never really was one to give much warning, he is probably on the train right behind the one the letter was on..."

"Yeah, well I thought that today we could go into town and meet him at the train station when he arrives..."

"That’s sounds like a good idea... but its still morning, what time do you think he will get here...?" Momo asks.

"Um well... I was hoping we could go into town to the train station right now and figure out when the next train is set to arrive and then, if we have time we could do something in town until he is here..." Sara explains.

"Alright that’s fine with me..." Mono then begins to think to herself, "maybe this day wont be so bad after all!"

The two spend time in the kitchen cleaning it up and then go into their rooms to get ready to go out. Coming down the stairs Momo sees that Sara still isn’t ready yet and waits for her by the door. While waiting, her eyes wander around the entry way and find themselves looking a small table with a framed group photo sitting on it. Moving over to it she picks up the photo and remembers back to when it was taken. They were all together, Momo, Sara, Semper and one other, almost a full year has gone by since they were together like this, and now, Semper is finally coming back, but things still wont be the same. Her eyes wander over the fourth person in the photo, a guy only a few years older than herself stood happily with his arms around her, she knew that he would never come home... no matter how hard she wanted or wished for it, he was gone... and nothing could bring him back. Breaking the silence Sara come running down the steps, pass Momo and then out the door, slamming it behind her. Before following behind her, she puts the photo back on the table and mutters to herself, "I miss you... Toast"

YukiChan12
January 30th, 2008, 08:13 AM
It's great.But I really like it.